Since recently ive gotton back into twitter0stalking, ive decided to update on here as well.
Since ive last updated, ive moved in with dean. Its been about 4 months now, and i have to say im LOVING it. Although i may complain about him, i absolutly love him more than anything in the world. He is such an amzing person, and is always there for me when i need him. I really hope he enjoys living with me as much as i do. I try not to be a pain in the butt 0 i know how guys like to dish on their girls when they arent around, and i really try to not give him any reason to.
We have also adopted a puppy - Monster! He is a german shepard mix, but OBVIOUSLY beagle as well, considering he loooves to bark and whine. He is becoming such a good boy, for me at least. he will still pee in the house when dean is home with him, biut he NEVER dies it when i am. He now knows how to sit and give paw- kinda. We are still working on it.
Rick is moving out next week - then it will be just dean, me and the puppy. Our little family <3.
Job situation is the same. Im still suck at my piece of shit job where i am treated with NO respect or dignity. I frickin went to college for chists sake, but at BVH, apparently that doesnt count. Im sorry that i didnt take a stupid test to be a tech, and if i did i would pass with flying colors. It really pisses me off that people who have no experience are graduated into doing things at work that even i cant do, when these people are going to school ONLINE. I suffered through four years of school and did well. what the fuck. I can go to a vet a mile down the road and work as a tech in ct. IF i get hired. So, im really hoping to get a job soon that will avctually utilize my skills. I have been really depressed lately because of this job thing. ALl i ever want to do is sleep, and i know it isnt all because my teeth hurt. I really feel like a failure. Why does no one want to hire me? I dont think i would do a bad job, i am so interested in research and i apply myself to everything in my life that i want to. I generally dont give up on things, but this is getting difficult. I find it really hard to wake up in the morning and go to work these days. All i want to do is stay at home and sleep. I really need a change in my life.
I am dying to do somethign with my hair as well. lately i have been feeling really ugly. Im sure its because i am depressed, i havent been putting any effort into my looks. I want to dye it or do soemthign that will change the way i look. Maybe get rid of my freckles? i dont like them either. My face is always breaking out 0 no matter what i do or how ofteni wash and medicate. I just feel like nothing is going right for me that i planned in my life! I am 23 - and just stuck, ugh. Its time for me to do something.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim, "All hail the heartbreaker."
A few things to get out of my head. Sorry.
Fucking Anish. I want to just walk right up to him and punch him square in the mouth. Even though its been over a week since we've broken up and like two days since i learned about all these fucking-me-over secrets, i am still fucking furiously fuming. And somehow, he is still trying to make these things my fault! That right, turn all your shit around on someone else cause that makes YOU the better person, right? Ugh. First of all, how the FUCK are you going to yell at me for working fucking two jobs and being tired after a 16 hour workday for being tired? are you SERIOUS? you fucking sat in a classroom all damn day with your pencil shoved up your ass, then went to have sushi for lunch with your fucking man date. Then drive home (oh shit- must be rough) and sit on the fucking couch. Oh but you have to get up early? Stop fucking complaining to me, i don't honestly want to hear your whiny ass. So does everyone else in the fucking world. Pick up your shit and move the fuck on.
So, after fucking three weeks of him fighting with me every single day, he tells me that he feels like "we are growing apart". WTF???? I ficking have been working 16 hours a day! Yeah i barely have tme to shower let alone sit around with you while you takl about the people that you work that that honestly, i dont give a shit about. So he tells me this AFTER i say a million times that all i wanted to do was go to a fucking bar with him. So, now, lemme get this straight, Your going to bitch at me all fucking week and make me pissed off every single night at 1am that i don't spend enough time with you and that i don't care about you, then go fucking get upset when i wanna go out WITH YOU? Alright, somethings wrong here. So, he tells me that hes going to go to white plains with his co workers. Mind fuck #1. The Fuck? Since when are you guys best fucking friends? Hes playing tricks on my mind testing where i will go, stay up here and go out or go with him. Fuck that shit, im staying here! Im not driving to white plains to get blasted, then drive back, especially with him. He cant fucking drive.
So he ends it with me. I fucking leave, and to a barrage of phone calls from him. Get the FUCK out of here. I told you one more fucking time you break up with me, thats it. Enough. Im fucking done. He doesnt get it. Tries to make ME look bad!! Are you serious? What the fuck have i done to you? Its alwasy been what you want 0 never what i want. EVER. How are you goin to pull that shit with me? Do you think im retarded? Consistently calls me restricted- like im going to fucking pick up. Seriously. Then he will text me a KAZILLION times about how he is losing his phone in a few days, and he has a new number but he doesn't think its best for me to have it, he loves me and is sick, in the hospital cause he fell down the starirs. Dont fucking call me AT WORK to tell me that your in the hospital. Then, not even fucking tell me why and make me look like an asshole for asking you a million times in front of my boss. blah blah blah. Mind Fuck #2. This morning, he tells me hes moving, he applied for it already. Hmmmm, where? 200 bucks says its fucking Jersey cause thats where Ashley The Slut is from. Then he tells me that its for the best considering how much i hate him. Honestly, what is wrong with you? You should be fucking kissing my feet for the shit i have put up with with you, in the past few days, let alone a year and a half.
Im just so sick of being lied to by him. How is he gonna tell me "watch the people im hanging out with and trusting cause they are going to fuck you over like they do to everyone else and are untrustworthy"? or that they have alternative motives? What the fuck motives do they have? Who have they fucked over? You dont count, since you lied to them your whole fucking friendship and isolated yourself. sooo..... BULLSHIT. Your making more shit up and guilt tripping me into getting back together with you which, let me put clearly, ISN'T GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN. Done.
I also NEED my fucking car back. I dont understand why its so hard for my mother to just lend me the goddamn money and i can pay her back cause i cant get a loan. Do they honestly want to drive me anywhere? I feel bad going with mike and dean constantly... I need my car!! And im so close, i need like 500 bucks more. Maybe if you fucking helped me pay for some other shit like heath bills or tax bills which ahem YOU fucked me over for, then i would have the money. GRrrr.
Ugh. If i keep going ill be here all day. Ill save the rest in my head until i feel like im going to punch someone in the jaw again, then put it here instead.
Fucking Anish. I want to just walk right up to him and punch him square in the mouth. Even though its been over a week since we've broken up and like two days since i learned about all these fucking-me-over secrets, i am still fucking furiously fuming. And somehow, he is still trying to make these things my fault! That right, turn all your shit around on someone else cause that makes YOU the better person, right? Ugh. First of all, how the FUCK are you going to yell at me for working fucking two jobs and being tired after a 16 hour workday for being tired? are you SERIOUS? you fucking sat in a classroom all damn day with your pencil shoved up your ass, then went to have sushi for lunch with your fucking man date. Then drive home (oh shit- must be rough) and sit on the fucking couch. Oh but you have to get up early? Stop fucking complaining to me, i don't honestly want to hear your whiny ass. So does everyone else in the fucking world. Pick up your shit and move the fuck on.
So, after fucking three weeks of him fighting with me every single day, he tells me that he feels like "we are growing apart". WTF???? I ficking have been working 16 hours a day! Yeah i barely have tme to shower let alone sit around with you while you takl about the people that you work that that honestly, i dont give a shit about. So he tells me this AFTER i say a million times that all i wanted to do was go to a fucking bar with him. So, now, lemme get this straight, Your going to bitch at me all fucking week and make me pissed off every single night at 1am that i don't spend enough time with you and that i don't care about you, then go fucking get upset when i wanna go out WITH YOU? Alright, somethings wrong here. So, he tells me that hes going to go to white plains with his co workers. Mind fuck #1. The Fuck? Since when are you guys best fucking friends? Hes playing tricks on my mind testing where i will go, stay up here and go out or go with him. Fuck that shit, im staying here! Im not driving to white plains to get blasted, then drive back, especially with him. He cant fucking drive.
So he ends it with me. I fucking leave, and to a barrage of phone calls from him. Get the FUCK out of here. I told you one more fucking time you break up with me, thats it. Enough. Im fucking done. He doesnt get it. Tries to make ME look bad!! Are you serious? What the fuck have i done to you? Its alwasy been what you want 0 never what i want. EVER. How are you goin to pull that shit with me? Do you think im retarded? Consistently calls me restricted- like im going to fucking pick up. Seriously. Then he will text me a KAZILLION times about how he is losing his phone in a few days, and he has a new number but he doesn't think its best for me to have it, he loves me and is sick, in the hospital cause he fell down the starirs. Dont fucking call me AT WORK to tell me that your in the hospital. Then, not even fucking tell me why and make me look like an asshole for asking you a million times in front of my boss. blah blah blah. Mind Fuck #2. This morning, he tells me hes moving, he applied for it already. Hmmmm, where? 200 bucks says its fucking Jersey cause thats where Ashley The Slut is from. Then he tells me that its for the best considering how much i hate him. Honestly, what is wrong with you? You should be fucking kissing my feet for the shit i have put up with with you, in the past few days, let alone a year and a half.
Im just so sick of being lied to by him. How is he gonna tell me "watch the people im hanging out with and trusting cause they are going to fuck you over like they do to everyone else and are untrustworthy"? or that they have alternative motives? What the fuck motives do they have? Who have they fucked over? You dont count, since you lied to them your whole fucking friendship and isolated yourself. sooo..... BULLSHIT. Your making more shit up and guilt tripping me into getting back together with you which, let me put clearly, ISN'T GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN. Done.
I also NEED my fucking car back. I dont understand why its so hard for my mother to just lend me the goddamn money and i can pay her back cause i cant get a loan. Do they honestly want to drive me anywhere? I feel bad going with mike and dean constantly... I need my car!! And im so close, i need like 500 bucks more. Maybe if you fucking helped me pay for some other shit like heath bills or tax bills which ahem YOU fucked me over for, then i would have the money. GRrrr.
Ugh. If i keep going ill be here all day. Ill save the rest in my head until i feel like im going to punch someone in the jaw again, then put it here instead.
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